Dating, dating advice, friends, heartbreak, love, love advice, mistakes, New medical term, one night stand, post sexus frigiditatem, relationships, sex, vivalakatastrophic, why won't he call, why won't she call
Why the hell are some guys such dicks after having sex? Seriously. I know girls can be wishy-washy, and I’ll touch base on that later, but guys can be so dismissive after a sweaty night of nakedness and I need to know why.
I went out with some girlfriends last night and we were rehashing all the guys we’ve recently hooked up with only to find out that they all had something in common. They treated us like the whores of Babylon after we finally gave it up. In one of the cases, my friend Julie had been pursued by someone for a few weeks. He was constantly inviting her to come out and have drinks and when she finally agreed, after a few nights of hanging out, they hooked up. Now, what she told me is that for a week he was super sweet and thoughtful and then BAM! Once he started seeing his ex, the charm wore off and he caught a case of… Post sexus frigiditatem. What is this, you ask? It’s my own term. Post, of course, means “after”, but the other terms are broken down like this in Latin: Sexus meaning “sex”, frigiditatem meaning “coldness”. (You’re welcome, world.) Basically, it’s whenever a man or a woman acts like a complete bitch or an asshole after the sex. In Julias case, she has to see this jerk all the time. I can definitely identify with this one as I’m sure everyone can. There has been a time or ten in most everyones life where, after sex, you thought shit was going to be rainbows and kittens when you saw this person or at least be civil enough to be friendly to each other when you saw them again. But then after the first five seconds of being around that douchebag/cuntwhore, you realized they caught a case of post sexus frigiditatem. The no eye contact is the worst, isn’t it? Them pretending like you never existed is even more heart wrenching. I mean, this person saw your genitals. Can you/we/I at least get a casual nod? Is it too much to ask for a repeat sex night (aka booty call) on the weekday? Can we at least sit on the same end of the bar? Why oh why is this person acting like a child? The secret sex night eventually becomes known to everyone and the end result is going to be people taking sides and one or the other person not getting a call to hang out on some nights when the other person is going to be there so that the group can avoid a dramatic scene.
I personally am going through this torture with her. I have to see an asshole I graced with my vagina on the regular. It sucks man. Every time I see him, all I can think is; “Dude, why can’t you be cool like me? I know I’m not bad at sex! I don’t have a gag reflex and I do my kegels everyday, so I know you didn’t throw a hot dog down a hallway… what gives! Ok, so my legs weren’t shaved and my eyeliner was EVERYWHERE in the morning and maybe I have a little extra cushion on my hips… but still! I’m fairly confident in my appearance and performance. Why the hell couldn’t I get a repeat night of some great sex?” It still baffles me. (And I know I have said this before, but I am not conceded. I am just aware.)
The one other thing Julia and I have in common is that we too are suffering from post sexus frigiditatem. We have both hooked up with guys we wish we hadn’t and we kinda completely ignore them when they come around. The reason she ignores hers is because, from what I’m understanding anyway, is that he is not that great looking (beer goggles were at play that night), he works at a lower position in the company than she does, he was much too eager to have sex in the morning when she was hung the fuck over, he shook the roommates hand pre coitus as a “thank you” for, and I quote… “For making this happen tonight.” I mean, come on bro… Be cool ya know? Don’t act like this is the only pussy you’ve ever gotten. Plus, the penis size wasn’t all that and the sex was terrible.
I don’t completely ignore my guy, but I would rather keep it friends, or rather friendly, than ever hook up with him again. His ball sack was way too hairy and his dick was not up to par. It was such a mistake. He was also too skinny. I felt like I was fucking Karen Carpenter. His apartment was crazy messy and his toilet didn’t flush. Now, even though he is a nice guy, I would just rather it hadn’t have happened. For obvious reasons. Now, maybe we are being kinda bitchy, but can you see why?? I take that back. We’re both being bitches. We’re not innocent.
Maybe the guys that we had sex with us saw something in us that wasn’t appealing. But Julie and I aren’t ugly… by far. And we’re not being cunts to the point of someone calling us cunts. I think there is some sort of protocol that should be followed to avoid post sexus frigiditatem. Like, pretending it never happened in the good sense. Program yourself to not lose that feel of the chase. I know it’s hard and probably a little unreasonable, but you never know. Maybe this will result in a better world for your grandchildren who are probably going to sleep with someone they wish they hadn’t. Who knows, this phrase could catch on and some little genius nerd will discover an antidote or even a vaccine. Something similar to the whole “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” process. The point is, it only makes the other person who isn’t suffering from P.S.F. question themselves. I don’t care how confident you are, when someone is a jerk to you after sex, it makes you feel bad. It hurts your feelings. Basically, all it does is ruin your sex karma. The consequences can range anywhere from having an accidental affair with a married man/woman to getting the clap.
All I’m trying to say really is…
“Why the FUCK won’t he call me???”
P.S. – That last part was just to make you laugh. But seriously, people need to be educated on the effects of P.S.F. The world would be a much sexier place. That’s all I’m saying…