cheating, confusing emotions, dont judge, ex, friends, friends who dont judge, friendship, having sex with an ex, heartbreak, Houston, insanity, love, mistakes, relationships, safe sex, sex, Texas, vivalakatastrophic
Some of my friends are the absolute best; wouldn’t trade them for anything. It’s always nice to know you have a few friends who are encouraging and who still love you no matter what mistakes you seem to be making. Having said that, I have started seeing an ex who all of my friends seem to hate with a passion; and for good reason.
We treated each other like shit for half of the relationship… ok, for most of the relationship. I cheated on him several times and he would break up with me to sleep with bar sluts. There was even a small point in our relationship where we would get physical with each other. However, the last two years of us being together, all that shit stopped. We came to find out that we are both impatient people who needed to get a grip, but that didn’t stop the relationship from being somewhat bad most of the time. Our problem has never been that we didn’t love each other, but that we both are very prideful, always have to have the last word, and we both have a really hard time letting go of the past. Needless to say, we need therapy. Our first two years together were terrible, and honestly, I really don’t know how we stayed together the last three. Of course, we were on and off… we took breaks from one another when shit got too crazy, but somehow we still managed to love each other after all these years.
I hadn’t seen him in a year until yesterday; May 28th, 2013. We had plans to just go have some lunch and see how the other person was doing. Yeah… we didn’t even make it to the restaurant before we were back at his place naked and sweating and going through condoms like Kleenex. The sex was amazing… as always. It was raunchy, dirty, and illegal in several states; just the way I like it. I’ve missed him terribly and he felt the same way. God, I still love that man. Whenever I see myself walking down the aisle to whatever mushy love song I’m jamming at the moment, he is the only face I see. I have tried to replace him with other people, feigning love and trying to make it work, but still… somehow I have always ended up in this man’s arms. One of the guys I dated called him a snake, saying that he was poison and he ruined any good thing that came my way. But I say – look… the heart wants what the heart wants and it wasn’t just him acting crazy. I seem to recall many instances where I acted like Penelope Cruz in the movie Blow; raising hell and calling it normal. But, it wasn’t all bad. We actually had some of the sweetest and welcomed romantic moments I have ever experienced.
I know this sounds like I’m downplaying the bad times, but honestly, I’m well aware of how bad this can get. This relationship has the capacity to fail terribly. He’s seeing someone else (did I fail to mention that before?) and I have a problem with sharing. We have both been in relationships with other people and one person will give an ultimatum and of course the person on the receiving end will always relent, leaving the person we had previously been dating in the dust wondering what the fuck happened. I am well aware of how terrible this is to unsuspecting people. But hey, this is my story. Call me a fool, but I would rather chase a dream than live settling.
Back to my friends and the ones I choose to keep very close to me…
I have mentioned before that I do a lot of things that I could possibly be judged for; this being one of them. However foolish my friends seem to think I’m being, they will always support me with love and be there for me if and when I fall apart. So really, I’m not writing this as a “hey, look at what I’m doing”, but more as a “thank you my friends for always being there and loving me in spite of the things I do that you think are wrong” blog update. I give them the same amount of love they give me. My friends today do not treat me as some child who has no sight of what is really good or bad, but rather as an adult who they love unconditionally while rolling their eyes the entire time. I am so very grateful for them. So, this is my thank you…
Thanks for letting me make my own decisions without shunning me because I have made the same mistakes over and over again expecting different results. I wouldn’t trade any of you for all of King Solomon’s gold. Not for the easy to achieve orgasm, not for a billion dollars, and not for a lifetime supply of batteries. I would rather have you in my life than anyone else… even if they could resurrect James Dean and program his brain to serve only me. I will give you anything I have to give, if you need it.
I love you, my dear friends (you know who you are).