I’m having mixed feelings about all the sex I’ve been having lately.
Maybe I’m having trouble accepting the fact that I’m ok with not being in a relationship and having sex. It wasn’t always like this. I used to get really attached and wanna jump into a relationship and now? Nothing. Nada. Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy I’m having sex with right now, but I’m not eager to put handcuffs on him. It feels like maybe I’m losing my touch on love. I’m seriously worried that I’m losing my hopeless romantic side and am now turning into a love cynic. When did this happen? What events took place that led me to be so carefree? I’m not really sure.
I had lunch with a friend recently and she told me that maybe it’s because I am starting to fall in love with myself. Which could actually be true. I spend more time alone doing things like reading, watching my favorite shows… and now that I’m thinking about it, I’m masturbating a lot less; which isn’t normal. Maybe I am loving myself more. I’m not really acting out sexually right now and I’m not getting drunk nightly. (Oh yeah, I’m drinking again. Go ahead, judge all you like, but it’s my life and I’m actually being responsible for a change. So suck it.) I’m taking more time to change my nail polish, which I usually just let go for like three weeks until it appears as though a tiny dot of ink got on my nail while I was writing. Or, I’ll paint over red with black because I’m too lazy to use nail polish remover to start from the beginning. I know it may seem trivial but trust me; it’s a big step for me personally.
I’m also still doing my yoga at least three times a week. Yes, I could be doing it more, but at least I’m still keeping up with it. What with me going out and banging my neighbor a few times a week, physical fitness gets put on the back burner sometimes. Oh yeah, my neighbor… let’s talk about it…
So yeah… he’s pretty unique. Speaks another language, looks like a ginger, but has a thick Spanish accent. NOT Mexican… Spanish. Not that I have anything against Mexicans, I’m half, but I don’t want anyone thinking I’m banging a dishwasher or a “landscape artist” aka, the guy who mows the lawns behind my complex. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been having some pretty sweet orgasms. My sex life has been pretty on point lately.
Oh the ex.
He’s in my life, he’s not in my life, he’s in my life, he’s not in my life. Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about trying to work on things with him. On the one hand, I’ll always love him, on the other, he treated me like shit throughout most of the relationship and even to this day still gives me some of the most ridiculous attitude over the silliest of things. For instance, I don’t have a car. One night, he came over and I suggested that we go grab something to eat. Well, he threw a tantrum because he claimed since he drove all the way over there, he didn’t want to drive all the way to wherever to go pick something up. Ummmmm…. He lives two miles away and I wanted to go around the corner. Big. Fucking. Deal. I mean, children don’t whine over things like this. Then when we go back to my house from dinner, he complained that my room was too hot. Ummmmm…. I’m freezing. Sorry you’re a demon and can’t turn off the heater inside you. I haven’t seen him in a few weeks. I’ve been too busy having fun actually. I’ve been going out with my… my naked friend… dancing the night away and going back to his place to have the orgasms.
You know what? Maybe I don’t have a problem with all the sex that I’ve been having. From now on, I’m not going to read too much into where things are going with my naked friend and focus more on the fact that we have a great time together. And who knows… maybe something will come of it. But right now that’s the furthest thing from my mind. For now, I’m just gonna lie back and smile while he gives me some of the best oral sex I’ve ever had in my life.